Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
