Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
