I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
