how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
