He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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