I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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