I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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