You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
