Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
