Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize