i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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