please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My pussy is not your playground.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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