i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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