Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
