It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My balls are so social today.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
