4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
