I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
