There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
