just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he puts the penis in happiness.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize