i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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