I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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