there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
