dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
