u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
