The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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