The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
