Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
BRING THE BAGELS
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
