I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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