it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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