Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize