I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize