If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
