We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
