when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize