So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
