Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
