Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Randomize
