Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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