It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
