I could make wine with my vomit
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
