have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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