We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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