dude i'm inner monologue high
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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