At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
