Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
