Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
