return my video game
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
