SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
