it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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