I haven't been this sober since birth.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
