her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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