how can u be prego again
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
