I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
