JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
