He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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