conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize