It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
