good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
