Duck Duck Cougar?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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