I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
