ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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