SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
