I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
