yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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