Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
