She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
