At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize