Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
