I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
BRING THE BAGELS
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
