Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think people are normalizing furries
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
