i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
