: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
