I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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