i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
