They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
