There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
