There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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