I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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