i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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