don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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