Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
