so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
