its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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