call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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