Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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